Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
