hotel room ftw
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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