I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
