i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
