I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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