It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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