it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
