There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
