Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
