Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish life had little blips of pornography
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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