finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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