it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
