If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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