Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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