I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
