this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
