I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
