Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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