I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
