bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
