Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
