I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
whose parrot is this?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
