I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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