he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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