speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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