Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
