I heard we made out
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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