she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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