did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
