I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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