We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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