I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my sisters under your porch take her home
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
