Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
