I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize