Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
