Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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