Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
