I smell stomach acid.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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