Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
