1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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