New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
