it was like his penis was on wheels.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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