OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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