do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
