just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
