and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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