i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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