Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
