But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
