Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
