Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
