my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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