Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
