dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
