i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
