I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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