Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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